Depression is Crap

So depression is a pretty bloody annoying thing. I've been dealing with all the crap associated pre-treatment for a while, and it's pretty painful. You don't really notice until it becomes such a problem you're not even sure that anything can be done about it.

After that? Medicine. There's a lot of arguments against medicating problems, but I've studied psychology for 5 years now and think I can make an informed decision about myself. Would I wish it on everyone? No, but for me it's been the right path.

After that I've managed to settle back into mostly-normal. The first week of drugs was the worst, they were doing nothing except perhaps making it worse. Second week was about the same, but the third week was different.... It doesn't really happen directly, you don't notice "hey it's not all crap any more", it just stops being crap.... then after a while you notice everything isn't crap, but it's not quite done.

You see, the medicine has set dosages for different "levels" of depression. I'm on about mid-way, but it goes from 5mg through to "lots" of mg. Unless you're on "ALL THE MG" then you'll have days that are better, and days that are worse. I've been struggling through a week that's gotten worse that culminated in a day that was truly dreadful. The medicine did help, I'd hate to think what I'd have been like without it acting a a buffer, but after so long being fine it hits you harder than ever.

The worst part is that on some level you know what's happening, but you can't break out of it. You can see that it's all going south, and that it's going to have a negative impact on all involved, but you can't just decide to stop.

Still, onwards and upwards? I'm on month 5 now and my doctor is suggesting that I could try to lower the dose. As I'm going to have a very hard term next year I've decided to keep it steady so that it won't interfere with my studies, and hopefully after that I'll be able to reduce it and perhaps even beat it.

I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this, but it's cathartic to write a load of swirling thoughts down, and even if you're just narrating to yourself it helps to order it and make sense of the whole thing.

~Longeye~

A GMs' Job

A post?! Oh my!
A post NOT about Minecraft!! This cannot be!

Alas it is, I've had a recent chance (due to being far too ill to do much else) to do a little thinking, and an issue that's been bugging me for a while has been resolved. I'm going to use a real life person as the basis for this, but I'm not going to tell you who they are and I want it to stay that way. There will be flames otherwise, and so I am not going to tell you who they are, and I don't want you to base your opinions on who you think they are.

In case you don't know, a GM is a "Games Master", sometimes called a DM (Dungeon Master, though this refers more to D&D) they run tabletop RPG games for groups of people. They come up with the adventure, act as the monsters and NPC's that the players encounter, and apply the rules when they're needed. this is important background information because this story starts like so; "There's this GM..."

---

There's this GM who gives out advice and stories. This is the person I'm using who I don't want ID'd. Now their advice is generally pretty sound; it's stuff that aspiring, new and veteran GMs should pay heed to, and it is useful to listen to it reflectively (applying it to your own experiences).

Now the stories have always got me, for some reason the adventure/campaign stories made this GM sound bad, and whenever I try to discuss this with fans of the GM I can't quite put my finger on why... When the fans get defensive I suddenly have no way to explore why I think they're bad. This is where my thinking comes in, and the title.

What is a GMs' job? A lot of people have a lot of ideas about this. In D&D they have a line in the DMs' manual which I shall paraphrase, I don't have the book to hand; "To mediate between the players and the rules.". This would suggest their job is to apply the rules at the right times, and to apply player actions at the right time. This is wrong.

Some games think that the GMs' job is to try, within the bounds of the rules, to kill the players. They pile on as many monsters as they're allowed as many traps as possible and do their best to kill everyone. This is also wrong.

I could go on for a few more examples but I'm not really 100% yet so I'll cut this short; a GMs' job is summarised as only one thing; to take a pile of books, hundreds of rules, thousands of combinations and a set of players... and to turn all of that into fun for those players. That's all.

Looking back again, this is the big problem I have with that GMs games. They sound great fun to run (from the GM's point of view) but they don't sound like fun to play in. They sound frustrating, over the top, brow-beating and formulaic. Looking through their tips it's also apparent that one is missing, and it's the big one. "The GMs' Rule". They do point out that there are no rules for GMing, and that all their advice differs depending on the situation... but there is one rule.

"The GM is there for the players, not the other way around." Any GM who forgets this should just write all their games off now; they'll all be crap. A GM is there to provide the players with fun, the players are not there to provide a setting for the GM to have fun in. If the GM has fun as a result of the players having fun, that's a good start. That sort of GM does the best. The GM who puts their own fun and their own rules and stories above player fun isn't doing it right.

As a conclusion I have two bits of advice; one for players and one for GMs of all nature:

• Players; if you're not having fun (or if a particular aspect of gameplay isn't fun) tell your GM! GMing is an incredibly stressful thing to do, and a GM has to hold so much information in their head that it is very easy to overlook players not getting on with a certain thing. If you mention it to them, GMs should be happy to change or fix it for you, so that more fun is had.
• GM's; there is no rule in any system that is so important it cannot be sacrificed to increase the amount of fun people have. Some (like "this weapon 1-hit-kills everything") aren't much much fun if they only apply to one person, and they make the game boring if everyone has them (even if the player thinks it'll be better) so you have to decide in the long run if it'll improve gameplay or not, but in general if a rule is causing a lack of fun for even a moment you should ditch or change it.
• At the end of the day all RPG's are games. If you're not having fun playing a game; you're not doing it wrong, the game is.

That's about all I've got for now, I hope it's made sense. I would like to state that I don't have anything against the person (if you think you know who they are, read the introduction) or their advice (which I've pointed out is good), my only problem with them is that I think they've forgotten this point, and they're not putting too much emphasis on rules rather than fun.

I also would like to point out that if any of my current or past GMs are reading this; I'm not talking about you please don't kill me! You're all good ;)

Lastly; to people who I have GM'd before, I am aware that I'm guilty of doing this sometimes, and that there has been lack of fun at points... I'm learning, and I'm doing my best to get better, and I would also appreciate you taking note of my advice to players. I'm sure many GMs would. 

Feel free to let me know your opinions on my conclusions or my reasoning, but take note of my proviso's about the GM in my tales. This isn't really about them, so much as the lessons I learnt pondering them.

Ciao for now!
~Longeye~

EDIT: I am aware that I "owe" a post about the server's one year birthday; I'm working on it right now and it should be up soon (work allowing).